HOUSTON, TX - FEBRUARY 05: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots gets surrounded by photographers and media after the Patriots defeat the Atlanta Falcons 34-28 in overtime of Super Bowl 51 at NRG Stadium on February 5, 2017 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Focus on Sport/Getty Images)

Each NFL off-season brings us wonderment as well as absurdness.  I highlight the latter in this article with the 5 most absurd things of the 2017 NFL off-season from my perspective. From weight loss goals to the freaking Patriots and, some other hot button absurdities in between.

5 Most Absurd Things of the 2017 NFL Off-Season

Eddie Lacy’s Weight Loss Quest

Eddie Lacy has found the greatest “fat camp” in the history of the world in Seattle.  The Seahawks are paying Lacy over $3,000,000 in base salary to play for them this season however, their front office decided to add some frosting to the top of the proverbial cake. If Eddie can resist the urge to cram Ding Dongs into his mouth and meet the designated weights he can collect an additional $385,000.  That figure is nearly 7 times the amount of the average American household.  A figure they are paying him to do what he should be doing already as a professional athlete.  The term “professional athlete” implies that one is using their body and unique physical attributes to earn a living. Yet, someone has to pay this man to not eat and to be in football shape.  What’s next, providing incentives to players that don’t hit a woman?

Joe Mixon Got Drafted

Speaking of that topic. I never gave domestic violence much thought until the Ray Rice incident, embarrassingly so. This isn’t because I am some sadistic maniac but, because I have never had the thought to strike a woman.  Joe Mixon did and he followed through on it. Old woman beating Joe said that the woman’s slap felt like “he got hit by a man”. Seriously?  You played collegiate football and are about to be a pro, thanks to the Cincinnati (give anyone a shot) Bengals but, you couldn’t handle a slap from a 120 lbs woman?  How do you think you are going to fair against NFL linebackers?

In regards to college, how did Mixon keep his scholarship at Oklahoma after punching a female student so hard he broke 4 bones in her face?  If the NFL really wanted to make a strong statement about their zero tolerance policy towards domestic abuse, they would have said this kid wasn’t eligible to be drafted.  Yet here he is and, don’t tell me he apologized and seems remorseful for his actions.  He has to seem remorseful and apologetic as he stood the chance of losing millions of dollars.  He isn’t remorseful he hit a woman, he is remorseful that it got filmed.

Not 1, Not 2, Not 3, But 4 (Read the Title in LeBron James’ voice.  It is fun.)

The NFL has handed out 8 PED suspensions this season already and training camp hasn’t even kicked off yet.  Eighteen players were suspended for at least 4 games for PED testing violations in 2016.  Should it take 4 failed tests for their to be a year long ban? PEDs are not habit forming drugs that require in-patient therapy and treatment to recover from. Players use them to specifically mask physical deficiencies in comparison to their peers so they can get a bigger pay day.  How does the NFL and their individual franchises not view this as thievery?  If any other person in the world went to this level of deceit, for that amount of money, they would be imprisoned for misrepresentation of character.  Hugs not drugs.

The Annual OTA Hype Train

It happens each off-season and, it seems to be getting progressively worse.  We have to endure hearing about how a player looks like the “next Jerry Rice or Jim Brown.  We hear about how some 4th or 5th round pick is carving through defenses like the defensive players were scarecrows.  All the while the prized free agent signings are dominating at mini-camp and are acclimating to their new locker room with ease.  Every player is the most intelligent human being in the world during this phase.  Slugs have “turned their career around” and have come into the season with focus and in the best shape of their lives.  It is great to be optimistic but, can we please pull the reigns a bit?

There are no next Jerry Rice or Jim Brown.  I despise comparing current players to players of the past.  These are players that want to make a name for themselves not be constantly compared to the greats of the game.  Do you think that Joe Montana likes hearing comparisons to him and a player that has never taken a snap?  These players should be dominating because, the defenses are not allowed to contact anyone and they are wearing shorts. At least let these players make it through training camp and into the regular season before making such outlandish comparisons.  Pretty Please?

And The Freaking New England Patriots

I assure you that I am not clowning you, Patriot fan.  If anything, I am jealous beyond belief.  Understand that the above examples exemplify absurd ignorance but the Patriots are absurd, just in a different way.  After winning the Super Bowl in the most dramatic fashion ever the Patriots only improved the entirety of their roster. They re-signed their defensive leader in Donte Hightower.  They upgraded at RB, WR, DL, CB and, they lost Martellus Bennett in free agency but traded for Dwayne Allen to compensate.  What the Patriots do is art.  An annoying version of it if you are a fan of a different franchise.  They are simply better than everyone else at owning, managing, coaching, and playing football than everyone else. I cannot wait until both Bill Belichik and Tom Brady Retire, that way the rest of the league has a chance.

Main image credit: